“The quality of your intimacy is strongly influenced by the quality of your recovery. The more you focus on healing, the better you can feel when being intimate, and the more you can enjoy it. That is what’s most important.”
View this video of postpartum intimacy from Nurse Nikki. Read her blog about talking about sex after childbirth, too.
Audio Transcript Auto-generated
Hi, I’m nurse Nikki. I’m a certified family nurse practitioner lactation consultant and postpartum care specialist.
Today? We’re going to talk about something that we normally don’t talk about in healthcare. We don’t talk about it in maternal care, but it is super, super important and deserves our attention, deserves education, and deep conversation. We’re going to talk about postpartum intimacy. Let’s get started.
Let me set the scene for you:
It’s your six week checkup.
Your Ob or midwife says you look great, everything looks fine. I don’t see why you can’t resume exercise and sex. They start to walk out the door.
Wait, I’m perplexed. How do you resume sex or any form of intimacy?
I don’t feel it. It’s not there.
You want to dive deeper into the conversation but your provider looks pretty uncomfortable so you go home with unanswered questions and failed expectations.
Allow me to offer you some advice.
I’m going to share a few tips that you can help you along your postpartum journey in finding what intimacy looks like for you now because it could be different and that’s okay.
This is your journey.
We’re going to do this on your terms.
So I want you to center your recovery first.
We have a tendency to make a huge fuss about the newborn’s feeding schedule, the pooping routine, the sleep habits, but we totally forget about ourselves.
I’m included. I’m a provider but that doesn’t mean I’m exempt.
Remember babies are healthy, the parents are healing.
You are the center of the universe. The health of your baby revolves around you.
The quality of your intimacy is strongly influenced by the quality of your recovery.
Did you catch that?
The quality of your intimacy is strongly influenced by the quality of your recovery, the more you focus on healing, the better you can feel when being intimate, the more you can enjoy it.
And that is what’s most important. Here’s the thing.
You got to be gentle with your mind and your body, this is there’s absolutely no rush to jump into anything. Remember we’re centering your recovery and guess what?
Your pre pregnancy, every Tuesday night sex routine, that’s irrelevant, it’s not going to happen, that routine is gone, Your body is different. Now you have to establish a new routine and most likely with different forms of touch, an intimate experience and that is okay, this is your journey, but here’s the thing and this is key.
You absolutely have to communicate your feelings not just to your partner but to yourself.
What feels good?
It’s best to do this prior to being intimate with personal touch.
I want you to ask your body what feels good.
Don’t you dare send anyone else on a wild goose chase. If you haven’t explored yourself, home run isn’t necessary baby steps try first face a few times, then you can go to second base, then one day you feel amazing, it’s raining outside, the mood is right, You go to third base, but then the following week, you may not feel like you have the mental capacity to move forward. So you go back to first base, that’s okay. You define what the bases are, This is your journey. So come as you are and if and when you want to and I’m talking about orgasms.Remember an orgasm is not necessary, We think it is and society makes us feel like in order to be intimate, you have to have an orgasm. But that is not true.
It is not a trophy.
It’s optional, enjoyment is key.
I want you to enjoy yourself.
Let’s say your breasts are your light switch and they are now off limits.
What other switches can you use?
What other spots can improve your enjoyment?
This is a great time to explore new forms of intimacy that for whatever reason were also off limits.
Make it fun on your terms.
Do it yourself.
Self intimacy is far more important and more valuable than shared intimacy.
Touch your body.
How does it feel?
Make a mental note of tender and pleasure points. This is also helpful when you need to communicate this to your provider or a pelvic floor physical therapist and I love pelvic floor physical therapist.
They are worth their weight in gold.
Everyone that is postpartum should be seeing one last but not least erase those extra thoughts.
Picture this, you’re with your partner or maybe you’re alone.
Your body is warm and you’re ready for intimacy.
It’s ready for sensual touch.
You want it.
You’ve been thinking about it now.
Picture a bubble forming above your head and in that bubble a thought that I feed the dog.
Oh my gosh!
Did I print out that extra form for daycare Who shoot? I think I left the oven on Intimacy that leads to enjoyment requires the attention of both the mind and the body.
All right, don’t forget about all those extra thoughts in your head.
We have to erase them because I want you to be in it.
100%. That’s where full enjoyment comes from.
Here are some resources to help you center your thoughts for intimate experiences.
Rosie is a collection of erotic short stories.
They go from one flame, which is mild to three flames, which is fiery and they were all different types of relationships, enjoy And Furley feature guided meditation exercises that help you explore your body with physical touch.
Remember to wear your headphones, be well and enjoy yourself.
Thank you so much for allowing me to tell you about these options.
You are worthy of an intimate and enjoyable experience.
Resources to Explore: